Littlesaur

Time flies

2010-12-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

OMG - where has the time gone?! I can't believe it's been so long since I last posted - I'm so sorry! A few details to get everyone up to speed, and I'll post more often after this, I promise.

The boys are now 7.5 months old and...

...are rolling like mad devils - no crawling yet, although Will is starting to give it a determined effort.

...both have two bottom teeth - and whew, teething is a rough time! And everything goes in the mouth now.

...have been eating solids since they were 5 months old. I intended to wait until 6 months but they had other ideas - so far they love everything they've tried except for avocado, prunes and peas.

...have been wearing their 9 month clothing for about 3 weeks now (*sniff* my boys are growing up so fast!).

...are really into each other as playmates...and for hair pulling. About 15 times a day, I have to pry one boy's hand off the other boy's head while hysterical crying fills the air. Mmmhmm.

...love noisy toys and books - Will is all about squeaks, rattles and songs while Dash will sit holding a book for ages and cries if he sees one nearby that he's not allowed to have.

...and now Dash has woken up crying from his nap, so I've got to run. *sigh* A mama's work is never done!

Rollin' rollin' rollin'...

2010-08-28T02:51:00.000-07:00

We have rollers! Well, one, at any rate. Will is all over the back-to-front rolling and Dash is nearly there. Interestingly, neither have rolled front-to-back yet - they're just kind of like, "Eh, why bother?"

To be honest, I've been wondering when they'd start rolling since most of the milestone charts show babies rolling from front-to-back at around 3 months. I know all babies are different and that those are just averages and don't really mean anything - plus multiples often lag a bit behind developmentally since they don't get the one-on-one time that a single baby does - but of course there's that teensy bit of your brain that worries ever so slightly when a milestone date comes and goes.

It's so amazing to watch my little dudes grow and develop - it seems like they do something new every day!

Daycare, schedules, and life returning to normal

2010-08-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

I am a working mom.

I work because I have to. Because there is absolutely no way we could afford to live on what my husband makes alone. I also work because I want to. I enjoy my job (most days!), and I think I might go nuts if I didn't have some adult interaction and intellectual stimulation every day.

My maternity leave was 12 weeks long - over half of it unpaid. Last fall, we researched daycares, and in December, we put down a deposit to hold a spot at the one we liked. We're lucky we found a place we liked that was convenient. We live downtown in one of the larger American cities, and it's not exactly full of young married couples with kids. In our building, there is one other baby besides Baby Citysaur, and one toddler. Fortunately, there are over a 100,000 people who work in the urban core of our city, and some of those folks like to have their kids nearby at daycare. So where we live, there are around 4 church-affiliated daycares and 1 non-church-affiliated daycare. Since neither of us is very religious, we went with that one.

So when we put down our deposit, we reserved a spot for June, since that's when we estimated I would return to work. We were second on the list for June. Baby came...and we waited on word of our spot. April came and went...then into May. Finally, we were nearing June...and I got the call. There would NOT be a spot for us in June. We were told it would be "mid to late July" before a spot would be available.

Of course this sent us scrambling for other arrangements - for 6-8 weeks! Fortunately, Mr. Citysaur was able to switch shifts at work, and he began working Friday through Monday. I was able to work out a deal with my boss so that I only worked 4 days a week - Tuesday through Friday. And on that one day when we both worked, it just so happened that my mom didn't work - so she watched Baby Citysaur on Fridays! This arrangement wasn't perfect (I really missed seeing my husband, since we didn't get any days off together!) - but it worked.

So we chugged on through, playing tag-team parenting and handing off the kid each day. In some ways, it was nice. I did love those 3-day weekends, and all that time with my precious baby boy. But I really missed my husband, and having time together as a family.

Finally, in mid-July, we got another call from daycare - this time with good news! We'd have a spot open on August 2nd. Hooray! There was much rejoicing in the Citysaur household!

So now we've had a week of daycare. Baby Citysaur is doing great! He hasn't had any issues with napping, which was my biggest concern. The teachers rave about him, and I only cried a little bit that first morning. He's the youngest baby in his class right now - so he'll be watching those other babies and learning from them, hopefully!

And we're wrapping up our first weekend together as a family since I went back to work in June. It's been really nice. I'm so glad for things to be returning to normal. And I can tell the baby is glad too. He was soo happy and smiley this weekend - even more than usual!

Here's my little cutie, just a couple of weeks ago. I can't believe he'll be five months old next week!

Losing it

2010-08-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

My hair, that is. I knew this would happen, but it's still alarming to see fistfulls of hair on my brush every day...especially since I've never had particularly thick hair anyway (even when pregnant). Still, I feel like one of these days I'm going to wake up looking like this:

And trust me, I do NOT have the skull to pull that off!

When will it end???

Four Things

2010-07-17T05:09:00.000-07:00

1. Will and Dash turned 12 weeks old on Wednesday. 12 weeks! Where has the time gone? They're turning into such big boys (they're over 14lbs each now!) - I was looking at their newborn photos the other day and couldn't believe how tiny they used to be. *sigh*

2. My little dudes are sleeping through the night! And by that, I don't just mean the technical definition of 5-6 hours at a stretch, I mean from 11pm-8am. They've done it every night for over a week now so I feel confident in saying it's turned into a habit and isn't a fluke...oh, and it is faaaaaabulous! Between an incredibly uncomfortable pregnancy and the normal sleep deprivation that comes with twin newborns, I had literally not slept that long in over nine months. BLISS!

3. I think I've mentioned that my mother came to visit us from the USA (we live in Australia) for 2 weeks back in May, and my father and stepmom just left this morning after also visiting for two weeks. It's been so good to see everyone - I hadn't seen any of my family members in several years - and I'm thrilled that they could meet our boys, but I'm also so sad that they had to go, especially since I know it will likely be at least 2 years before I see any of them again.

4. A word of warning: when you are holding your baby to your chest, and he looks up lovingly into your eyes then barfs down your shirt, if you're wearing a tank top with a built-in shelf bra, it will hold the puke like a soup bowl. So.Freaking.Gross.

4 months already?!

2010-07-08T08:46:00.001-07:00

My baby Benjamin...you turned 4 months old yesterday! These last four months have been incredible, amazing, a bit trying, but so wonderful. Daddy and I are working out our issues and learning how to be parents together, which isn't always easy. But you make it so worth it!

So, what are you up to these days?

*You looove chewing your hands. Can't get enough of them. I know you'd love it if you could just stuff that whole fist in your mouth.

*You're still exclusively breastfed, even though Mommy has been back at work for over a month now. I have to pump three times a day to make sure you get enough to eat, but so far, it's going well.

*You're generally a pretty good sleeper. We stopped swaddling you several weeks ago, and you didn't mind at all. You'll take naps in your crib, but I don't think either of us are ready for you to sleep there all night yet. Right now, you're still sleeping in the co-sleeper bassinet next to Mommy's side of the bed.

*You're a very happy baby! You love to smile, and I've gotten you to laugh a few times. You're still very stingy with the laughs, but the smiles come all the time now - even first thing in the morning. I love how you wake up happy!

*Daddy weighed you the other day on the bathroom scale, and we think you're close to 14 pounds. We'll find out for sure on Monday, at your 4-month appointment. You'll get more vaccinations then too. You did great with your 2-month shots, so I hope you do equally well this time.

*Your favorite thing to do is stand up. We still have to hold you steady, but your strong little legs can bare all your weight no problem.

*You hate tummy time, but we make you do it anyway. Your arms are still a bit weak, especially compared to your superbabylegs, but we're working on it. You've rolled over a few times, but I think it's just because you were on an uneven surface. Still waiting to see a real "rollover".

*You have your entire family wrapped around your finger. They all adore you, and why wouldn't they? You're the cutest baby ever! (Daddy and I agree on this).

I love you so much, Benjamin, and I truly enjoy watching you grow up and learn about the world around you.

Love,
Mommy

Twinshock

2010-06-23T01:46:00.000-07:00

My boys are nine weeks old today. Nine weeks! It seems like they were born only yesterday, but here they are now, nearly double their birthweights and wearing clothes that are two sizes bigger. I'm so immensely proud of them, so happy to have them in my life. They bring joy to every single day, even the hard ones...but it wasn't always like that.

I can't even begin to describe the first week at home after we left the hospital. No really, I can't. It was such a fog of hormones and sleep deprivation that I don't even remember it. I do remember turning to Mr Bibliosaur at one point, tears streaming down my face, and asking, "What have we done?" I know that sounds terrible. It wasn't that I didn't love our children, but I was so incredibly overwhelmed by...well, by everything. By the massive hormonal shifts that were happening in my body, by not getting more than 30 minutes of sleep at a time, by the overpowering neediness of the two babies that were suddenly in my life. In desperation, I picked up my twin book and discovered there was a word to describe this: twinshock. It's what happens when it all suddenly hits home.

It helped that my mother flew to Australia from the USA, arriving after we'd been home just a few days and stayed with us for a couple of weeks; even though she'd never had multiples of her own, she had given birth to and raised three children and her experience and advice were invaluable, and Mr Bibliosaur and I grew more confident by the day. And then she went back to the States. And Mr Bibliosaur, who had taken a month off, had to go back to work. And I was home. Alone. With two babies.

I was terrified. How could I even begin deal with this? What would I do when they needed to be fed at the same time? What about if they both started crying at the same time? I'm not a baby person - I never babysat as a teen, never even interacted a great deal with my friends' children until they were toddlers. What did I know about parenting infants? Nothing! The twinshock returned in full force, and I was shaking hard when I kissed Mr Bibliosaur goodbye the morning he returned to work. I turned to face my two 4-week-old children, uncertain how we'd make it through the next eight hours. And yet somehow we did. I cried with relief when Mr Bibliosaur arrived home that night, but at the same time I felt a surge of hope - we'd managed to survive a day! I had no idea how we'd make it through the rest of the week, but we could at least make it through one day.

The same thing happened the next day, and the next, and by the fourth day I was starting to feel better - more clear headed, more confident. I'd worked out my preferred method of feeding them both at once, and luckily for me they seldom fussed at the same time. Since then, things have gotten easier every day, taking a huge turn for the better at around six weeks when the boys dropped one of their nighttime feedings and started sleeping for slightly longer at night; and now at nine weeks, I feel like an old pro. The twinshock has long since worn off, and although I still get nervous occasionally when I need to take them somewhere that's crowded and busy, on the whole I feel happy and confident about my ability to care for them.

So if you've just had twins and are feeling overwhelmed...hang in there, OK? It will get better - I promise!

It's almost too easy

2010-06-14T11:24:00.000-07:00

I'm afraid I might jinx myself writing this blog entry...but here I go!

My pregnancy was easy. And so far, parenting has been relatively easy as well. I officially have what I would call an Easy Baby.

Yes, we suffered through the requisite sleep-deprived haze the first month or so. But when it was time for Ben to start sleeping longer stretches at night...he did. He's now up to 7 hour stretches at night. When it felt like time, a few nights ago, to stop swaddling him at night, I did. And he slept just fine in his pajamas, without the SwaddleMe wrap he's been wearing since he was two weeks old.

He hardly ever cries, except when he's really hungry. When we had an exceptionally fussy week around two months old, we found out right after that he had gone through a huge growth spurt and had gained a pound in 10 days! So even his fussiness is justified. When I have to take a shower in the mornings, he happily sits in his vibrating bouncy chair and smiles at the bathroom vanity lights. When he's been up for a few hours and he gets tired, I put him in the swing and he easily goes to sleep. He's slept through plane rides and business meetings (before I officially went back to work) and a birthday party and a baby shower. He doesn't mind loud noises or slobbery dogs. He'll happily get passed around among my coworkers or family members or whoever wants to hold him. He smiles and coos when mommy or daddy gets home from work (whoever he hasn't been with that day), but he doesn't get upset when we have to leave, or even when both of us leave on Fridays and he stays with Nana.

Like I said, he's an easy baby. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop.

For now, I'm just trying to enjoy our good luck, and our Easy Baby, and be so thankful that we haven't had to deal with colic or reflux or attachment issues, or any of those other newborn difficulties. Maybe we'll have a difficult two-year-old, or our time will come once he's school-age. Who knows. For now, though, I am just so lucky to have such a wonderful baby boy.

The Tale of Bibliosaur's Boobs...Part 2

2010-06-06T18:10:00.000-07:00

Last week, I gave up on breastfeeding.

It had reached the point where I didn't even know why I was doing for anymore. I enjoyed the bonding time with the boys, but that was becoming more and more difficult. I thought tandem feeding would be easier as they got older, but it actually got harder - they're far more difficult to lift with one arm, and squirm a lot more - so our breastfeeding sessions were quickly turning into half an hour of: "Dashiell, stop moving, you're sliding off the pillow. Will, latch back on. OK, we're set. No Dash, hold still. Crap, Will is sucking down air - hold on boys, he needs to be broken off and burped. Dash, stop squirming, I need to lift you over to the side for a minute. Please stop screaming honey, it's just for a minute... Will, latch back on. Now to lift Dash back - oh geez, you're heavy kiddo!" Yes, I could feed them separately, but that makes feeding take twice as long (effectively turning me into an all day buffet) and would put them on different eating/sleeping schedules.

So the only things that were keeping me BFing were convenience and cost - not having to buy formula or wash and prepare bottles, and having food available on tap when we're out somewhere (I packed bottles since tandem feeding isn't exactly discrete, but the breastmilk was always there as a back up). And even those arguments were starting to wear thin.

When I realized all of this, I didn't know what to do. I wanted SO badly to stop, but felt like an asshat for fighting so hard for it only to give up, even though after six weeks of desperately struggling I still wasn't anywhere near fully breastfeeding (I could manage one session in the morning without supplementing, and then they got 1-3oz of formula in the afternoon/night as my supply progressively dwindled).

It also really wasn't helping that side effects from the domperidone had started to kick in - the mild headaches sucked, but the worst part was the fatigue. It was so bad that several times I nearly slept through the babies screaming for food - Mr Bibliosaur had to shake me awake. So the drug that helped me to breastfeed also made it harder because I was so unbelievably tired all the time. And being extra tired also meant it was even more difficult to cope with two fussy babies.

I was so torn...one part of me wanted to push ahead, but the other part wanted to put an end to all of this and admit surrender. I was just so TIRED - I didn't know how I could keep doing all of that - the breastfeeding, the pumping, the supplementing. I'd been battling breastfeeding for six long weeks and I desperately needed a resolution - an end to the marathon feeding sessions, to the stress and worry, to the exhaustion.

So after some long, tearful conversations with friends and with Mr Bibliosaur, I decided to stop breastfeeding. Today is day three after I made this decision, and I won't lie - it's been emotionally devastating, and I've cried numerous times. It's a terrible thing to have to look at something that you've wanted so much, that you've struggled and fought for, and be forced to acknowledge that it's simply not going to happen no matter what you do. I tried everything - nursing, pumping, natural remedies, even medication - and it still wasn't working. I'm just one of the minority of women who cannot get a good enough supply to breastfeed (at least not two babies).

After just one day, the drop in my milk production was astonishing, even though I'm still taking the domperidone (it's recommended that you wean yourself off vs simply stopping, even if you're no longer breastfeeding) - I think the rate that it's declined at is a pretty good indication of just how perpetually on the edge my supply was. Right now I'm still pumping a couple of times a day to relieve the pressure of engorgement, so the boys are still getting that breastmilk in their bottles a couple of times a day, but the quantity is steadily dropping.

I know I'm not alone in all of this - I know there are a lot of formula feeding mothers out there. And I know that formula isn't bad or evil (in fact, I'm grateful that it exists, since it means my boys can still grow and thrive even though I can't feed them myself). It's still been a difficult decision, and I'm sad and disappointed that I couldn't feed them on my own. But I look at their little faces - happy, smiling little faces - and I know I made the right decision.

Babies + rain = sleep!

2010-05-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

Two nights ago, I sat in the nursery with my screaming babies and I cried. From just two weeks old, Will has always settled himself well (you can give him his pacifier and lay him down, and he'll contentedly put himself to sleep), but that night he was on a roll, determined to scream the house down. And Dashiell was never happy at bedtime, fighting sleep and crying hysterically while I rocked him for up to 45 minutes to try to get him to settle - we would always swaddle both of them at bedtime to help soothe them, but to Dash this seemed to be a signal that it was time to start howling at the top of his lungs. You wouldn't dare to put him down in his crib before he was sound asleep or he'd start the whole episode over again.

I was at the end of my rope, beyond exhausted - I've never been so stressed and sleep deprived in my life. I couldn't move, couldn't react; all I could do was start sobbing. Finally, at 11.45pm, the boys were both asleep, and I crawled into my own bed and cried myself to sleep, knowing that in less than an hour they'd wake up again...and knowing this pattern would be repeated throughout the night, and the next night, and the one after. I laid there, listening to the rain on the roof, and eventually fell asleep.

A while later, I blearily woke up to the sound of Dash's cry coming through the baby monitor. There was a hazy gray light in the room, and I looked at the clock. It was 5.45am. At first I was confused - was my clock broken? Then I realized that my clock was fine - at just under 5 weeks old, the boys had slept for 6 solid hours! I woke Mr Bibliosaur to help me feed them, and we confusedly discussed what had made them sleep for so long. What was different about that night to all the other nights in their life? Finally I remembered: it had rained.

It's pretty well known that babies love white noise. In fact, I'd tried it on Will and Dash in the past, but they'd shown no interest in static or ocean waves. But for some reason, rain was different - rain put them to sleep! Mr Bibliosaur and I excitedly plotted to try this theory out last night, so we downloaded some free mp3s of rain (from here and here) and set them to play on a continuous loop all night long.

After their late night feeding, at about 11.30pm, we put the boys (including Dash) down in their cribs while they were drowsy but still awake, turned on the rain sounds, and went to bed. We laid there a bit nervously, waiting for the howling to come through the baby monitor...but it never did. And at 5.45am this morning, they woke up - another 6 hours of sleep!

I can't begin to describe how amazing I feel after two good nights of sleep - it's no wonder that sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture! I feel alive again, ready to take on the world, and about a thousand times better able to handle the boys when they fuss during the day. Tonight is the second night we'll try the mp3s, and if it works again then I'm officially declaring this method a success!

The Tale of Bibliosaur's Boobs

2010-05-24T22:55:00.000-07:00

I wrote in my last post that breastfeeding our twins has been a huge problem, worthy of it's own post - so here's that saga!

Because I was incapacitated with an epidural headache for several days in the hospital, early breastfeeding efforts were hampered a bit. I did pump on those days, but not nurse - I couldn't sit up to hold the babies and couldn't nurse them well while lying on my side because of the headache. And even pumping was difficult because I was so sick and stressed - not good conditions for expressing milk!

On top of that, establishing supply is quite difficult for many women who have multiples because your body doesn't immediately understand that you have two babies instead of one. Take all of the stresses and uncertainties that come with starting to breastfeed one baby and complicate that with having serious supply issues, and I had some extremely rough days before my milk came in - I have never felt more like a failure in my entire life than when I would try to nurse the babies and they'd only get half the amount they needed, and then have to be supplemented with formula. I don't think I've ever cried so much in my life - here were these two perfect little people and I couldn't even provide their most basic need. It was heartbreaking to feed them and then watch them desperately cry with hunger afterward.

Even now that they're nearly 5 weeks old, it's an uphill battle. The boys are still getting about 1/2 - 3/4 of their food from formula (depending on the time of day, as my supply is significantly lower at night). I nurse them at every feed before they get their bottles, being careful to make sure that they fully empty both breasts so my body gets the message that it needs to make more milk, but it's slow going.

I had originally set a one month breastfeeding goal for myself so I wouldn't give up too soon, and we reviewed our options when we hit that mark. The choices I had in mind were:
#1 - continue as I was (nursing and pumping to try to increase my supply, along with supplement feeding)
#2 - switch to exclusively pumping (most likely along with supplement feeding)
#3 - switch to exclusively formula feeding

When the 4-week mark arrived, I was strongly leaning toward #2 - so much so that I did a ton of research on it and was thisclose to buying a more hardcore pump than the little one I was currently using. Then I decided that I'd trial it for a day, just to see how I liked it. Exclusively pumping is one of those things that sounds easy, but really isn't - it's not just the preparing/washing bottles, but the dedication of forcing yourself to pump every 3 hours regardless of the time of day or night, etc. I wanted to make sure I would be OK with the schedule, so for one day I committed to pumping and bottle feeding instead of nursing.

I hated it. It wasn't even the schedule that bothered me - I just hadn't realized how much I loved nursing them. Just the closeness of it...it's so hard to describe what I mean. I love looking down at their little heads, even when I'm exhausted and they're being difficult feeders (and ohmigod tandem feeding is hard when they're fussy - one will drop off and then start screaming, then the other will, and you're left frantically wavering between them trying to get them both to re-latch and failing because you don't know who to pay attention to first!). I deeply resented being hooked up to a machine instead of my babies and couldn't even make it through the whole day before I started nursing them again. This isn't to knock exclusive pumpers at all - in fact, now I have even more respect for women who stick it out, because it's HARD! It's just not for me - I would rather 100% formula feed (and thereby get that extra play/snuggle time with the babies that I would otherwise spend pumping) than exclusively pump.

So then I looked at option #1 and realized that I don't want to keep doing THAT either. Nursing AND pumping AND bottle feeding is soooo hard. I mean really, incredibly time consuming. I felt like literally all I ever did was worry about feeding the boys, that I never got to actually enjoy my babies or enjoy being a mama. I want to be able to play with them and cuddle them without looking at the clock and saying, "Oh, it's halfway between feedings - time to pump" and having to put them down.

That left option #3 (100% formula feeding), but I wasn't really happy with that either since, as I said, I'm still enjoying the closeness of nursing them. So for now, I've changed to a modified version of #1 - but instead of nursing, pumping and supplementing, I'm now just going to nurse and supplement. No more pumping. I am going to spend that time with my sons, not hooked up to a breast pump. If my supply ends up decreasing because I've dropped the pumping, that's fine - it's worth it for my happiness and sanity, because I believe I will be a better, happier mother for my boys even if I end up having to swap entirely to formula. But interestingly, my supply seems to have increased after I stopped pumping in between nursing sessions, presumably since I’m less stressed and getting more rest now. That said, it still just won’t catch up to what the boys need even though I’m nursing them at every opportunity and my boobs are getting drained every time.

I saw my doctor this morning and got a prescription for domperidone, which is pretty much my last ditch effort at breastfeeding. Domperidone is not a magic pill - it does stimulate lactation, but you still have to do the hard yards and keep up a diligent nursing schedule.

So where does that leave us? Well, my domperidone prescription is for one week, so at that point we'll review yet again and decide what we want to do (I know I keep saying "we" - this is because although they're my boobs, I value Mr Bibliosaur's input). If the drugs didn’t work, we’ll probably stop and go to 100% formula, if only for my own sanity. I know that might not be a popular choice, but it will be what's right for our family.

It's difficult to express just how exhausting and frustrating this process is and I can absolutely understand why many women give up when they have multiples. Some days are easier than others and on them I feel very positive and hopeful that eventually we'll be able to exclusively breastfeed. Other days (like today) I just start sobbing and want to give up entirely. Breastfeeding may be natural, but that doesn't mean it's easy!

Introducing...

2010-05-23T09:40:00.001-07:00

Baby Citysaur!

Benjamin James

Born 3.10.10

6:24 PM

Birth weight: 7 lbs 15 oz (3.6 kg, according to this site)

Weight at 2 month check-up: 10 lbs 13.5 oz (4.91 kg)

You can find my birth story on Pregosaur here. I'm so excited to have made the move over to Littlesaur, and I'm going to try to be a good blogger here!

The past 2 1/2 months have been quite an adventure. My maternity leave is almost up, so I'm about to enter the world of the working mom. I have thoroughly enjoyed the last eleven weeks being at home with my munchkin, but I am also ready to get back to work and have some grown-up time as well.

I have so much to share, just from the last couple of months...but I don't want to overload any one post. So today I'm going to talk about how well we've gotten to know our pediatrician (and a few other medical professionals), just over the last couple of months! Before I go into this, let me just say that I consider myself so lucky that this is all we've had to deal with so far - I know our problems have been minor ones, so I don't want this to come off like I'm complaining!

I do find some irony in our situation - the fact that I didn't even enter a hospital when giving birth to my son, and went completely med-free - and yet we've had more pediatrician visits than I can even count already! Let's see...

Day 2 of Ben's life - routine first check-up. Mr. Citysaur took him to this appointment, while I stayed in bed (as I felt like I'd been hit by a Mack truck at that point!). Everything looked good at that appointment.

Day 3 of Ben's life - home visit by the midwife. I managed to get dressed and make it downstairs for this visit, and honestly was feeling quite a bit better at that point. I was a bit nervous, as our midwife really impresses me, and it was a tad nervewracking having her inspecting our home and such! But things, again, looked good - except that she said he was "a bit jaundiced" and told us to get him some sunlight.

Day 6 - "1-week" routine visit to pediatrician - Ben had lost a good bit off his birth weight (I think he was down about 7 or 8 ounces at that point), and our pedi did a heel stick to test his bilirubin level, because at that point he was looking quite jaundiced (though we, as new parents, were oblivious to this at the time). Looking back, you can really see the yellow in his face...

Later that same day, I got a call from the pedi's nurse, saying that Ben's bilirubin levels were "really high", and they were sending someone over with bililights for home phototherapy. So for the next 36 hours, this is where Ben spent his time...

We called it the "baby tanning bed". The tube coming out the end there is connected to a paddle, which emits the same light that the bed does - that way he got maximum skin coverage. When I fed him, I had to hold this paddle up against his back. Oh, and I was ordered to make sure he ate every 2 hours, because that also helped to break up and secrete the bilirubin. The night he spent in the tanning bed was rough (for me, anyway) - I stayed up with him, feeding him 30 minutes out of every 2 hours, and napping on the recliner in between. That has to be the worst night I've had, out of them all!

Fortunately, he responded really well to the treatment, and he was finished with that after a day and a half - and that included breaks in between to go to the pediatrician each day (days 7 & 8) - and, since our pedi was on vacation, we had to go to the hospital both those days as well, to get his heel stuck again.

Day 9 - Our 10-day follow-up at the Birth Center. Fairly routine, everything checked out well. We told the midwife our jaundice story, and bragged about how well he did with the phototherapy. He got his footprints put on the wall of the Birth Center (those are his at the top):

Day 10 - Newborn hearing screening at local hearing/speech therapy clinic. Normally, this is done in the hospital, but we didn't have a hospital birth, so we had to get it done elsewhere. He failed, we scheduled a retest for a few weeks later.

Day 12 - Routine 2-week visit to pediatrician. Ben finally makes it back to birth weight.

Day 33 - Follow-up hearing screening. Failed again. Told to go on to a more thorough Auditory Brainstem Response (ABR) test. That test is scheduled for early May.

Day 36 - Routine 1-month visit. Still looking good.

Day 38 - Six-week post-partum check-up. This one's for me, though Ben did tag along. Everything checked out nicely, released to resume normal activity.

Day 55 - Ben goes to pediatrician for a persistant and unusual-sounding cough. Another heel stick for bloodwork. I get a call that evening that he has a "highly contagious viral infection" in his chest. Told to come in first thing the next morning.

Day 56 - Back to pediatrician - diagnosis: RSV. Sent home with a nebulizer and a prescription for albuterol to use with it. Told to give breathing treatments every 6 hours and come back in two days.

Day 56, part 2 - Right after visiting the pedi, we head to the hearing clinic to get the ABR test. Results: inconclusive, but mostly good. He's not deaf, there are just some slight hearing difficiences showing, probably due to fluid still lingering. Could've been from the RSV, could've been from something else. Repeat ABR scheduled for late June. If he still doesn't pass that one, it will be on to an ENT for more testing.

Day 58 - Back to pedi again. Not sure the point of this visit, except that the pedi listened to his lungs and said his breathing was getting better. Told to continue treatments "as needed." (We did, for a couple of days, and then sort of petered out...he hated that oxygen mask!)

Day 67 - Routine 2-month pedi visit. No more RSV, and Ben had gained a pound since the last visit, 10 days prior! What a growth spurt! He also did quite well with his vaccinations - 3 shots and 1 oral. He slept most of the afternoon, but the two doses of (generic, due to the recall) children's Tylenol I gave him seemed to keep the fever at bay.

So as you can see, we've had quite enough of medical visits over the past couple of months! Fortunately, as I mentioned earlier, everything has been fairly minor, and today we have a very healthy and very happy baby! Speaking of which, he just woke up from his nap, and it's going to be time to feed soon! I'd better be going. I'll be back for more soon!

Allow myself to introduce...myself

2010-05-20T02:50:00.000-07:00

Well it's official - the twins are here, which means I'm making the move over from Pregosaur! My beautiful little boys were born four weeks ago (you can read their birth story here), and it's only just now that things are settling down enough that I feel like I can start blogging again.

My special little guys two weeks ago, at 13 days old.

Being a mama to twins definitely has it's own special challenges. Some days, like yesterday, are easy - everyone was happy and things went smoothly. Other days, like today, are hard...

I'm typing one handed right now because Dash erupts into a screaming fit any time I put him down and won't sleep unless he's being held. This makes feeding times nearly impossible - although I often tandem feed the boys, for their last meal I fed Dash first, and then he screamed his head off the entire time I was feeding Will. But I can't hold him and nurse Will at the same time, and Will would have screamed if I stopped feeding him, so I had to leave Dash where he was (although I did lean over to talk to and pat him). Then I had to cut poor Will's cuddle time short to pick up Dash - thank God that Will is in a good mood and happy to be settled in his rocker. On days like this, I feel like no one wins and neither boy gets the attention they deserve.

There have been other challenges as well - breastfeeding has been a huuuuuge issue (and will get an entire post of its own), juggling two crying babies is insane at times, and everyday life can be incredibly overwhelming - plus all of the usual things like getting used to running on two hours of sleep and being spit up/peed/pooped on every day! But it's worth every moment to have my beautiful little boys - they are the greatest joy in my life, and I am beyond in love with them.

I'm looking forward to writing about my experiences as a first time parent of twins - it's going to be one hell of a ride!

Happy Birthday to my Darling Baby Girl

2010-01-14T01:30:00.000-08:00

To my darling baby girl,

Tomorrow you turn 1. As sad as it makes me that the time is passing so quickly, I am so looking forward to all the other milestones we will face.

You are such a clever girl, but I really wish you would stop climbing up on all the bookcases and the arms of the sofas! I like the way you screw up your face to smile, like this:

You are my sunshine, and I love you to bits.

Happy 1st Bithday Olivia.

Love forever and always,

Mummy

xxx

Truth on Motherhood

2009-12-27T18:52:00.000-08:00

I am surrounded by toys, dirty bottles, and the lounge cushions arranged into a tunnel. I am tired, un-showered, and cranky. Tinysaur was awake nearly all night (4th night in a row) and I am utterly exhausted. Utterly. Exhausted.

Tinysaur just having surrendered to the nasty enemy of sleep (according to her) I turned the TV on. And boy am I glad I did. Over here in Australia, Oprah's episode of the Truth on Motherhood was airing. Oh Wow. Today I felt so alone - my house looks like a bomb has hit it, I haven't washed my hair in 3 days, I haven't slept for longer than 4 hours in the last 4 nights, I let Tinysaur cry it out in the cot last night while I cried in my bed, and I haven't shaved my legs or even looked my best in months.

And now I don't feel so alone.

Because Tinysaur's lump hasn't gone down at all (we're 6 days into her second course of antibiotics) I have to go up to the hospital tomorrow and speak to a surgeon about surgically removing the lump which has now turned into a stone. Please pray for us - I want this all to be over soon, and I want my happy cheerful little baby girl back.

Update on Tinysaur

2009-12-19T22:49:00.000-08:00

The lump is still in her chin - red hot and tender, but the swelling has gone down. I am thinking I might take her back to the doctor tomorrow just to get them to check it out, she has finished her course of antibiotics. It worries me, and while it doesn't overly bother her, if she knocks or bumps it she does seem to react a lot more than to other knocks and bumps.

And now - I'll bore you with updates of my little ratbag...

Temper Tantrums: yup, she is no longer giving things to me when I say "TA" and hold out my hand - she grabs onto it really tight and screams when I take it off her... Tricky times!

Powerpoints: my little sweetie has found out that if she flicks the powerpoint in the hall on and off her Mum will come barrelling around the corner to see what she's doing. I haven't found a way to stop her yet - it has a cover on it, but I am uncomfortable with her flicking it on and off. I tell her No and place her away from it and distract her with toys, but no results have come from that yet...

Dinnertime: Tinysaur is still a massive fan of cheese, although she doens't like custard or yoghurt much anymore. LOVES spinach and broccoli and beans (seems to really like green foods at the moment - when she was little she liked all the orange veges [pumpkin, sweet potato, carrot]). Really likes spag bol with macaroni instead of spaghetti - but the tomato sauce has stained most of her clothes orange... I have tried soaking them, but it doesn't bring out the colour very well.

Sleeptime: seems to be cutting back to 1 nap per day - doesn't really want milk unless she has just got up from a nap - prefers water to go to bed and with her food. Sleeping through the night pretty much every night (has the odd night out every now and then)

Christmas: after all my worries of her pulling the tree over on herself, she has not once pulled on a branch or even worried about the tinsel or chrismtas lights. (although she did eat tinsel initially) She does have a thing for baubles though... And she LOVED driving around looking at the christmas lights the other night - although our town sucks for christmas lights at the moment, there are hardly any around - there were TONS last year.

And that's us up til now!!

I'm back!

2009-12-17T07:05:00.000-08:00

It is lovely to see you again. I have been absent the last month or so, because unfortunately we lost our little baby. Our little one stopped growing at about 6 weeks but we did not find out until about 8 weeks when I had some bleeding. I didn't then lose the baby until 9 weeks. It was a very rough time for us.

We had a lot of support from everyone imaginable and I am happy to say I am feeling ok. Olliesaur has really cheered me up through this horrible horrible time and he has been amazingly well behaved. Daddysaur and I are trying again now.

Olliesaur is doing very well and is just learning so so so much!! His new words since I last posted, are train, nappy, fish, Ivy, Ruby (booby!), bubbles, mummy and daddy. He previously only referred to us as mama and dada. He also knows the majority of his body parts now including bellybutton, bum-bum and tickly toes.

We are all ready for Christmas. Olliesaur is definitely more aware this year than in previous years. He has broken 5 baubles on our tree already and keeps trying to pull the tinsel down. He has not yet tried to touch the presents which is strange. I love it when the house is decorated!!

I promise to get back into the swing of blogging now!

Tinysaur sick again

2009-12-15T00:35:00.000-08:00

My poor little Tinysaur seems to be sick so often - any Mum out there will know how hard it is when your bub's sick. I think the hardest part is that they can't tell you what they want, or where it hurts, or what makes them feel better.

Last Wednesday I picked Tinysaur up from her carer around lunchtime. She was rather grizzly (but then again, had been for the past week), and her left cheek was bright red. Presuming she was teething, I took her home, gave her Panadol and Bonjela and tried to soothe her. After struggling all afternoon to get her to have an afternoon nap, she finally fell asleep - hot, bothered and overtired at 10pm.

The next morning when she woke up she was NOT in a good mood - crying, clingy, grizzly - you name it!! I gave her some more Panadol, and decided to try to stay at home all day to give her time to relax. It was a good plan, until after her midday nap when I noticed the left side of her face was horribly swollen and had a hot lump in the middle of the swelling. I rang Daddysaur and he came home. We decided we would take her to the doctors that afternoon - so I rang up and booked the next available appointment at 4pm.

We waited agonisingly until 4pm - monitoring the lump, checking it's size. The doctor's surgery wasn't very busy so we went in with only a short wait in the waiting room. It seems my little Tinysaur has an infection in the glands in her neck - but the doctor was uncomfortable sending her home when the swelling was continuing and it could impede her breathing. So we got a Referral onto Accident and Emergency. So off we went.

Accident and Emergency were in peak-hour mode - shift changes, influx of half-dying people, etc but we were shown in to the triage nurse immediately. After taking down the details of the past few days, and checking out the lump she got a doctor in straight away. He wasn't concerned about the location of the lump, and suggested we go home with the Amoxycillin which he prescribed and wait it out.

That was nearly a week ago now. We've been back up to the hospital once since when I thought she was choking in her sleep, but they do not seem to be too concerned about it. The swelling has gone down substantially - but the hard hot lump is still there, despite the course of antibiotics Tinysaur is currently on. Tinysaur has also been on Panadol every day...

If the lump is still there tomorrow (exactly a week since it first arrived) I will re-book a consult with the doctor. The possibility is that the infected gunk won't come out by itself so it might need to be drained, or the first doctor we saw did say it could be some kind of genetic disease where the glands have problems. (?) I can't remember exactly what he called it, but because he was pretty sure it wasn't that he didn't touch to much on it.

Here's hoping it's gone by this week!

Tinysaur's Christmas Tree

2009-12-03T14:48:00.001-08:00

Two days ago, my little angel helped me put up her first Christmas tree ever. How exciting it was!! Although she did want to grab all the branches off me, and chewed on half of the little decorations, we had a great time. After carefully arranging all the decorations (I usually just chuck them on every which where, but was DETERMINED to have it perfect this year..) I switched on the Christmas Lights and we both just stared.. Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

That night, all Tinysaur wanted to do was to stare at the lights until she fell asleep... under the Christmas tree. I would have got a picture, but my camera batteries are flat. Kicking myself!

As for development, Tinysaur took a few steps by herself from me to Daddysaur this week - a

bit wobbly, but we continue practising. She is pulling herself up on all the furniture, running amuck, and has discovered a love for cheese. To the point where when she hears the fridge open, she quickly crawls around and sits down on the tiles in front of the door waiting for some cheese. I have to start rationing the cheese out...

And then - in just over a month we will be celebrating Tinysaur's first birthday! How time does fly!!

EDIT: I guess tinysaur must have swallowed some tinsel, cos when I changed her nappy this morning, there was tinsel in her poo.... Anyone else had experiences with children swallowing tinsel? from what I've googled today, it's not dangerous - just a potential choking hazard...

I've been MIA.. For some time!!

2009-11-17T19:11:00.000-08:00

Well, back again guys! Wow. So much has happened since I last wrote, that I probably can't even start to fill you all in. And I'll save you the 1000 page essay.

My gorgeous Tinysaur is now a bouncing 10 months old. She can say a handful of words, points, laughs, undoes the velcro straps on her little sandals, pokes her tongue out, throws tantrums. It's wonderful!

She went for her first swim in a big pool yesterday, too! Grandma took her there while I was at work and they floated around in the pool together, enjoying the bubble pit in the kids pool, the mushroom fountain, and the whirpool section. Grandma also forgot to take her camera, so there were no photos for me to giggle and coo over!

It's funny how much they start turning into a little person - Tinysaur loves to dance; wiggling her bottom around in the air. She is still army crawling at this stage, but is VERY close to the actual 'proper' crawl. So far, she has outweighed most kids her age (everyone accuses me of overfeeding her). She is around 11kgs, and I haven't held her still long enough to measure her length! She is, however, the same size as one of my friend's 15 month old.

So that's us up til now - everything in my life focuses on her. I can't wait for Christmas this year - her first Christmas ever! Now's the time to start planning how to keep her away from our Christmas tree!

Squealing Makes My Head Hurt

2009-10-24T13:42:00.000-07:00

Olliesaur has learnt how to squeal. It is awful! He has started to do it if he is not getting my attention, if I tell him no-no or if he gets frustrated that he can not get a toy out of his box. Today while Daddysaur and I were grocery shopping, Olliesaur went so over the top I was nearly in tears. I'm stumped as to why he got so frustrated, we had literally been in the store for 5 minutes!

I don't know what I should do with this behaviour. Generally he is so amazingly behaved that I can't understand how I got soooooo lucky. I have a book on my shelf called Toddler Taming by Christopher Green. I think now is the time to start reading it!

Surely it is far too early for the terrible twos? Please tell me the squealing is totally normal and will stop eventually!

The Moment Your Life Changes Forever...

2009-10-19T09:42:00.000-07:00

We found out we were pregnant on 6th October 2008. I first took a test at 7am… only to be disappointed at not seeing a line. It was one of those very cheap, “pee in a cup and then dip” type tests. I was about to throw it in the bin only to catch the slightest glimpse of very faint pink, so faint I had to squint to see it… confused as to whether this was something to be excited about, I rushed to show Daddysaur to see what he thought but he was none the wiser. Feeling in a tizzy about things I went to my drawer and took out a digital test I had been saving. The word pregnant flashed up after about 2 minutes of sitting with my fingers crossed tighter than ever. No more confusion over very faint, hardly there pink lines… there it was in plain daylight… no mistaking the one word “Pregnant”.

Me pregnancy went very smoothly apart from a couple of very small bleeds. I didn't even have any sickness!

I went to hospital midday on the 5th June 2008 (after having a disturbed night and a trip to the Maternity Hospital).

First of all I was examined and immediately marked on the chart as being in labour and at 2cm dilated. I had a lovely midwife come in, check all my stats, inform me of my choices of pain relief and she then told me that she was ready to break my waters. WHAT A WEIRD FEELING! It felt like I had wet myself.

I went for as long as I could without pain relief. My contractions were very bad and every 2 minutes. I was moved to one of the delivery rooms and a student midwife introduced herself. She was lovely and made me feel so relaxed. I requested an epidural.

Once the epidural started to take effect I felt fantastic. It was so weird having the strong pressure of the contractions but not the pain I had been feeling the night before and all morning.

At 8.00pm I was ready to push and things all happened very quickly. Before I knew it there were 5 people around the bed and I can't remember why. There was the student midwife, a couple of normal midwives, Daddysaur and a student Dr. (who I might add was a bit strange. He was there a while earlier and for a training Dr. he was very easily embarrassed. He blushed every time I was being examined!).

Pushing was hell! I won’t lie. I was so scared. More than I have ever been in my life, but time passed so fast. The main midwife was yelling at me like she was the commentator at a horse race… “aaaand we see the head, we see the head, just one more push and we will have a baby… come on come on one more push”. Bizarre. I went into shock during the pushing because I really believed at one point I couldn’t do it and I hyperventilated. I don’t remember much more after that. The Dr. was then called for and before I knew it the end was off the bed and I was in the stirrup things instead. The baby’s heartbeat was dropping rather fast and they were worried about him so the Dr. told me she would have to use suction on him. The suction didn’t work so she had to use forceps and also episiotomy. I got very dizzy at this point and with one great big pull from the Dr and a lot of blood, there was my baby on my tummy.

Olliesaur was born at 8.49pm weighing 8lbs 1oz after 10 hours of established labour.

Olliesaur and I spent the first night apart. I can’t remember why but I think I must have looked distressed and exhausted. It really made me miss him and I think this probably helped with us bonding given that labour was a bit traumatic… I missed him and had to pull out my camera to see photos I had taken a while earlier. He was brought back in his little crib at about 5am. I felt so much love the minute I saw him and the love has only increased each day.

Olliesaur is now a 16 month old, walking, talking, SHOUTING, cuddling darling boy who makes me laugh all the time. It is truly amazing how fast the time goes!!

I'm about to do it all again. I am currently 6 weeks and 4 days pregnant. We always said we would like a 2 year age gap between our children so you can't get more precise than being due a baby 5 days after your first born's 2nd birthday!

I am looking forward to sharing everything with you about my stay-at-home, work-at-home (I do blog design, invites and announcements) life with my energetic toddler and the growing baby in my tum.

Downhill.... And uphill.....

2009-10-02T03:46:00.000-07:00

So, you'd think I would have learned by now. Parenthood is like life in general. You might have some downhills - but you ALWAYS go back up.

Whilst the last few weeks haven't been easy, and sometimes I've felt like a madwoman, there have been some little highlights which I thought I'd share (and seeing I was such a party-pooper in the last blog). This is my top 10 things which have made me smile:

1. Tinysaur has now learnt to wave goodbye. She usually waves and says "TATA" as she's crawling out to the kitchen.

2. Tinysaur crawled into our bedroom the other day while I was in the loungeroom. When I went in to round her up, she had closed the door and was lying against the door so I couldn't open it. By the time I got in - my thong was in her mouth. Ugh. She really does have bad taste!!!

3. Tinysaur's cousin came and visited today - he is 3 years old. They had tons of fun rolling around on the floor together (he realises she can't walk and goes down to her level to play). Then they cuddled for ages. She absolutely LOVES the little guy.

4. Daddysaur and I have sorted out our differences. I realise that no relationship is perfect, and I know ours is far from it - but it's nice to sit down and really sort things out. Now we both know where we stand. It's nice, and I'm happy.

5. Tinysaur went to see her 12 year old Uncle perform in his school concert. The whole time throughout the concert whenever she saw him, she yelled and screamed out and waved at him. She was SOOO excited to see him!

6. Tinysaur has just learnt how to make her Mummy's heart melt even more - she gives kisses now. Proper, sloppy, kisses. I love them.

7. As well as the kisses, she has also learnt to blow raspberries on your neck when she's snuggling up! Cheeky little girl!

8. Daddysaur and his friend washed up and cooked dinner for me the other night! It was the FIRST time I have ever seen him volunteer to cook AND washup! I was in bed by 7pm... And it was a GOOD sleep that night!

9. My family. My family always makes me smile. And I'd do ANYTHING in the world for them.

and the last one:

10. Today in the shopping centre, I was carrying Tinysaur (although I might need to call her Hipposaur soon -she's packed on the weight!!!) on my hip, and carrying the groceries in my other hand. At the checkout, we stood in line behind a gentleman who some people might have avoided. When he turned around to look at us, Tinysaur reached out her arms for him to hold her and babbled "Daddaddaddad" and laughed away merrily. It made him laugh, and it made me laugh too. It was a lovely moment.

I've learnt my lesson. Sometimes things don't come easily, and we have to keep trying and trying. But in the end, I should just focus on the good things. Because there are way more good things than there are bad.

SOS

2009-09-22T22:36:00.001-07:00

This is me.

Ok, so since I last have posted, everything has seemed to go downhill. I have a daughter who no longer goes to sleep when placed in her cot, and screams if I put her back in her cot after a bottle during the night, AND has decided that 2am to 4am is perfect for playtime. So that leaves me utterly exhausted by 6:30am when it's time to get up and go off to work.

Before, she used to be in a routine (See my previous posts) but since her carer (MIL) refused to follow it, I've adapted to what the MIL has done - hoping that it would be easier. So I started cuddling her to go to sleep, and when she was asleep I'd put her in her cot (before I could put her in the cot while she was awake, and through CIO methods - adapted to suit me - she'd fall asleep). Now she wakes up the moment you put her down - no matter how floppy her limbs are (a sign she's completely out). And if she wakes up after I put her down after a night feed she'll scream until she VOMITS (yes, vomits!!!) so she gets picked up while I change her vomit-sprayed clothes and linen. Seriously - she can vomit a full 360 degrees!!

Now on the vomit issue - I have seen two very passionate arguments lined up. One is that you get the child out, comfort them, change them, change the bed and then put them back to sleep. The other is that you cover the vomit with a towel, change them (but only if necessary) and try to keep them in the cot. The ideas on these vary - one is that the child will learn how to vomit to hold you completely hostage to whatever they want to do. The other is that if your child is obviously that upset that they vomit, it's not a game they are playing and they are severely anxious.

But that leaves me nowhere. I cannot decide on what to do. Lately, I've just been holding her until I can get her back in her cot without waking her up. And if she cries, I grab her before she vomits.

So please- Mums and Dads out there - I need your help! I am in the process of trying to get her back into the old routine. I just need some encouraging words, or ANY thoughts or ideas you have. Or - if you KNOW what to do - please let me know! I am struggling to stay awake at work, my relationship with Daddysaur is non-existent and I am DESPERATE!!!

Mum-Mum Mum-Mum

2009-09-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

Tinysaur now says Mum-mum. Cute, yes. The first time I heard it, I cried. I really did.

She likes to wave goodbye now, says "ta" for some of her toys, and pulls the cat around the loungeroom by it's legs and bellyfur (thank God it's too dumb to retaliate!).

So thats my little angel's progress up to now - she is asleep at the moment, so I am about to duck off for a shower before she wakes up.

I never thought how much love I would feel for someone else. It's different to the love I have for Daddysaur, for my family, for my friends. Sometimes I love her so much that it hurts.

Quick question for the Moms out there - what do you do when bub starts refusing solids? And the only thing she eats is custard. Do you keep feeding her the custard and try her with other things as well? Or only offer the foods she's refusing?? Tinysaur is in a bit of a state now where she is only eating cerain things and refusing foods she always enjoyed eating. So what do I do?